The Six Year Plan - Late Night 7-11

If you we're thinking, "Well gee wiz, I wonder what could be so great about 7-11 after midnight," then you have clearly never been to one, and you have clearly never been "under an influence." Tis a sanctuary, a beacon of light through the darkness, a local Mecca. Many have fought here, and many have died...well, I guess they haven't. Still.

When you enter the promised land, 7-11 would like you to see this guy right here:


Instead, you're more likely to see a someone who is overweight, unhappy, unshaven, poorly dressed, and generally unhygienic.(You know he'd rather be out back, blasting Metallica and playing Pokemon Red, as should be expected.) This will be a GREAT morale booster in your altered state of mind. How could your life be any worse than this guys? Not only is he in a dead end job and destroying his Circadian Rhythm, but he's also wasting his Friday night selling YOU taquitos and energy drinks, while miserable the entire time. Nothing is better.

Chances are, this guy will be in line behind you:


Most the time, he's a cool fuckin' dude. He knows what's up, and will even spot you that extra quarter so you can get the larger size slurpee. Afterwards, you'll spot him a cigarette out front while he talks about the women that just walked into 7-11 and/or a woman he recently fornicated with. You will never forget this guy. (That's a lie.)

There is only ONE reason you should ever organize a late night escapade, and that is for Taquitos. The initiating conversation usually goes like this:

- "Dude, finish your drink."
"Alright, dude, bro, I'm hungry."
- "Dude, have some chips and salsa."
"Dude, I need some real food."
- "Yo, let's go to 7-11."
"DUDE! yes! We're going now!"
- "Yo, lemme chug a beer first."
"NO, DUDE, I NEED SOME TAQUITOS NOW."

With six delicious varieties to choose from, everyone can be a winner. With a selection of Buffalo Chicken, Monterey Jack & Chicken, Taco & Cheese, Steak & Cheese, and Jalepeno Cream Cheese (Bacon, Egg, Cheese, & Potato is NOT a late night Taquito...), who wouldn't be happy? I've seen a guy buy 8 Taquitos at once, and eat them in less than three minutes. God-like.

If the seemingly 5-Star Restaurant happens to be out of Taquitos, then the only acceptable substitute is Pizza, and even that's a stretch. Nothing else equates. Nothing.

You could take my word for it, or you could experience the glory for yourself. The choice is yours.

Until Next Time.

3 comments:

  1. YO, OP HERE, JUST ATE SOME 7-11 TAQUITOS, SHIT WAS CASH, YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

    VIVA LA TDS

    ReplyDelete
  2. The after party always ends up in my bathroom...

    ReplyDelete