There's an App for that...

It's amazing how things come and fade. Remember the Apple commercial from a couple of years ago when Apple convinced the world that yes, in fact, there's an app for everything.  When I bought my iPhone I swore by this. I had EVERYTHING at my skinny fingers and chubby thumb from Facebook and weather to ├╝ber funny fart noises. But now... two years later I think it's time for app developers to step it up. We've been spoiled.  I could list a plethora of apps I'd like to have but one sticks out my fellow nerds... a STUPID app.  


What's a STUPID app you ask?  Well I'm glad you did. It's an app that is always on and hears what you say, and at any time when the built in programming (costumed to you) detects upcoming stupidity it vibrates and let's out a loud "STUPID" in a voice of your choosing thus preventing a potential regret (or two) on your side.  The voice for mine would be Will Ferrell because he has a great first name and also because I'm currently fond of how Will Ferrell clips were integrated into the Jay-Z & Kanye CD.  




Hey, my name is Will Ferrell.  Was just letting you know - what you are about to say, and/or do, will be STUPID.

This revolutionary app would help me keep friends and not look "STUPID".  Two quick facts about me... 1. I'm not always quick on my feet and 2. I'll do what I can to avoid embarrassment. These two things always result in me being "STUPID". (I bet you're hearing Will Ferrell's voice right now)  

Exhibit A - as a struggling (but content) chubster I like to make a big deal and boast about my work outs.  One time I ran around Mt. Trashmore (a former dump turned park in Virginia Beach) and decided to run up the stairs to the top of the hill (which I thought was going to land me at the gates of heaven... hopefully). That evening, while bragging to two females about my huge feat with the hill of rubbish they asked what made me take the leap.  My great ability to not think of the adjective I want but still sound sophisticated led me to respond "I felt promiscuous".  I'll bet you can guess that a moment of awkwardness ensued.  A STUPID app would have stopped me before I sounded like a hornball and I could have inserted ambitious.



Exhibit B - When talking to my boss in her office one day my cell phone started vibrating extremely loudly in my pocket.  In an effort to not distract my boss from seeing the topic at hand my way, I quickly inserted mid-sentence "Sorry, I left my vibrator on" and continued my conversation.  Once again... awkward.  A STUPID app would have saved me from sounding like my jog in Exhibit A.

Exhibit C - Why didn't I know that "faux" was pronounced like "foe" and not like "fox"?  You can guess that made for interesting lunch table conversation with my peers and department bosses when they were wondering what the hell I was talking about.  Insert the STUPID app to help me better explain the word that screwed me in a recent airline crossword puzzle.   "STUPID"... Yes, it's a great idea.  And it's probably how you feel about this blog entry.  But, I guarantee that you would use it.  It would be gold.  And I probably would have a girlfriend.

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