The Six Year Plan - Rules for Hosting a Rager

Dear Reader,

I'm a pretty average dude. I'm mediocre at most things, and then I am EXCELLENT at few wonderful things. These few things are as follows:

- Breaking the Ice
- Baking Dessert Items
- Diplomacy
- Bottling Water
- Cleaning Counters
- Skanking
- Finding pennies
- and lastly...


Step 1: Concept

Every party needs purpose. Be it an occasion, an event, or whatever, without direction, your party will never manifest. Themed parties can be fun, but make sure it's something that everyone can enjoy.

Step 2: Communication

Spread the word. Tell everyone you know. A personal invitation goes a long way, trust me. It shows your guests that you sincerely care if they show up or not. It leads to a positive atmosphere once Game Time starts. Regardless of occasion, always invite the neighbors, it's probably the safest move you'll make all night. Don't worry about over inviting. A party can never be too big.

Step 3: Make a Plan

It is imperative that you get an approximate head count. Ballpark numbers work great. Decide if you want to charge, and set a price. Get money up front if you can. Otherwise, give yourself a limit on how much you'll spend. This is a rager, not a charity. Get enough to start the night off right, and once you're out, you're out. 7-11 is open all night for a reason. Decide if you want this to be a social gathering, a dance party, or just a chill night among close friends. Bouncing is completely acceptable.

Step 4: Stick to the Plan

Self explanatory. Get everything you need for prep work, mix whichever drinks you need to make, and clean your damn apartment. Do NOT forget the cups, rug cleaner, or paper towels. Hide any and all personal alcohol. Drunkies will not stop until they've found and consumed all available alcohol.

Step 5: See the Plan Through

It's best to invite a few close friends over earlier to pre-game. It allows you to start the night right, while simultaneously appearing as if the party has already started. Guests will feel more welcome and significantly less awkward if they aren't the first person to roll through the door. A Power Hour is a good way to start things off. It's finite, interactive, and fun. At this point in the night, your motor functions should be slightly impaired, so remember to STICK TO THE PLAN. Have fun, enjoy your friends, and just live life. What happens happens. I mean damn, you're only young once, right?

Step 6: Resolution

If all has gone according to plan, at this point in the night, you will be thinking to yourself "Well, that was fun." If it's close and/or soft enough to sleep on, play ball. Fuck cleaning, that's why you have roommates.

As the great Asher Roth once proclaimed:

Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again

Man, I love college

Until Next Time


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