The Six Year Plan - Life Hacks

Dear Reader,

I write to you today from the comfort of my home. And I mean Home Home. Good ole Virginia Beach. After spending so long in the mountains, it's good to smell some salt in the air again. A breath of fresh air. It's like when you're playing video games, and gotta recharge. Good times.

So it goes.

Since I'm revitalized, I figure it would be optimal to write about how to cheat life (maybe even death) with a couple of simple tricks. These Life-Hacks, or Pro-Tips, will help you be more efficient, healthier, and generally WAY BETTER. It's Rule #3 for a reason, bitches.

1. SET YOUR CLOCKS 10 MINUTES EARLY.

You'll know they're 10 minutes early. That's not the point. But when you're getting ready for class and look up to see that the bus is at it's stop RIGHT NOW, you're in the clear. It's a good way to ensure that you're always one step ahead of the game. Safety nets = winning.

2. DO SOMETHING

If you want a simple reminder, all you need to do is something. Literally, sometimes I just crumple up a piece of paper, and throw it in the middle of my room before I go to bed. That way, when I wake up and see it, I remember the reason I put it there. Simple association. Boom-town.
"Good thing I remembered my mask!"

3. EAT FRUIT IN THE MORNING

You know that gross, dry, morning taste that you always wake up with? Well, it sucks. You could just brush your teeth, and make it go away. OR, you could eat fruit. It removes the grossness, and tastes great. Also, your stomach is typically empty in the mornings, due to nighttime digestion. Eating fruit in the morning is beneficial because it allows your body to efficiently absorb all the nutrients. You'll be healthier, and just simply feel better.

4. SAVE DRYER LINT

Yeah, that fuzzy stuff that comes out of the clothes dryer after you use it? It's really flammable. If you like camping, save some and use it to start fires; it's an old Boy Scouts trick (trust me, it will save you SO much time). In a survival situation, I guess it could be used for insulation. Gotta watch out for them zombies, right?

5. KEEP CASH IN YOUR CAR

A friend of mine lives by this rule. Keep a ten or twenty dollar bill somewhere safe in your car. In the event that you run out of gas, it'll be a life saver.

6. PUBLIC VANITY

Before going out on a date, to a party, etc, do a some push ups. It'll get the blood flowing, and pump up your muscles just enough to look buff. Seriously guys, try it out. Chicks dig it.

7. BRAIN FREEZE

In the event of brain freeze, push your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Conduction transfers heat from your tongue, relieving the icy discomfort. If your tongue is too cold, use your thumb.

That's all I've got for now. I'll think of some more and probably get back to you at some point. Whatever.

Until Next Time

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